SA
Hi Jamila.
J
Hello!
SA
I wanted to start by asking you, what does holistically healing through a revolution mean to you?
J
Well, first of all, I want to acknowledge that we’re always in a revolution. Whether that be socially, politically, or within the inside of our lives. So it’s a beautiful question because as people who are always evolving, we need to figure out what is required for us to be well and to function at our best. So, to answer your question, holistically healing through a revolution means to pay attention to every part of yourself — your mind, your heart, your body, your soul — and respond to what these parts are asking of you. Holistically healing is about allowing Yourself the space to prioritize thriving across the multi-dimensional parts of you.
SA
Mm I love that. On your podcast, Deliberate & Doing it Afraid, you have an episode that speaks to preparing oneself for, what you call the ‘grief olympics’ … which is a season of hardship, a valley. How can one know they are approaching this period in order to prepare for it?
J
If you are alive right now, know that you are approaching a season of hardship. That season could be years away, but it is inevitable. Grief, pain, loss, death – they are inevitable parts of the human experience. None of us are exempt. Knowing that this is an unavoidable part of what it means to be alive, there are things we can do to be able to navigate those moments with a sense of agency and empowerment. Hard times will knock us down, and we can equip ourselves with practices and perspectives that help us get back up. We prepare ourselves for grief by prioritizing joy. And ease, pleasure. Connection. These things enrich our lives so much so that when they feel far away during periods of grief, we find hope in knowing that they are possible. I think emotional intelligence is a muscle that can be strengthened over time. When I say emotional intelligence, I mean your ability to first feel your feelings — to recognize when you you’re having an emotional response and to be aware of how it manifests in the body — and then your ability to name the feeling, be with the feeling, and then release it or transform it. A lot of people are so busy avoiding feeling their feelings that they never get to experience the beautiful process of an emotion. I think we prepare for grief by engaging in this process as often as possible. So that we know what to do with grief when it comes.
SA
Do you think that avoidance of feelings is always intentional? Considering we, in the modern world, live in these systems that are built to distract us from healing, it often feels that only those of us who have the privileges to heal, can heal. Do you think it’s a tactic to not teach things like emotional intelligence to young children, through our educational system?
J
I don’t think that avoidance of feelings is always intentional. As children we learn how to behave based on the adults in our lives. If we practice a behavior often enough, it becomes a habit. And when things become habitual, they often happen on autopilot. Which means that we are acting from our subconscious mind instead of our conscious awareness. A major part of healing is waking up. Moving from subconscious programming to conscious, empowered choice. I think it’s a tactic of the system to convince people that healing is something that belongs to only a few people. If we don’t believe that healing is available to us, we’ll never pursue it. I think a lot of people have been programmed, or trained, to avoid our feelings. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that feelings are major motivators. I like to think of feelings as teachers. As Master Guides. They inform what is important to us, they inform what our body needs, they inform our decision to make changes in our experience. People who are connected with their feelings are empowered to respond to them — and to create the conditions externally that would support how they want to feel internally. Feelings create space for empowered choice. And, the last thing I’ll say about this, is that I think we are moving into a new Earth where children are learning emotional intelligence. I want to affirm and acknowledge that the culture is already changing. We are experiencing a mass Awakening, and the children are of course a part of that. Children now are growing up with adults like me, with resources that weren’t available even 20 years ago. I acknowledge this because I like to keep my eye on the vision, instead of the problem. If I’m going to put my powerful energy behind a thought, it has to be a thought that I want to manifest.
SA
Feelings as master guides is a very moving image. I found that one of the biggest reparenting lessons for me is in fact to connect with my heart centre instead of operating from my mind. I only just began this journey recently, I’m 25 now and I am becoming more and more aware of how necessary it is to yes – really nurture that loving space of tenderness with oneself that goes beyond the contemporary culture of wellness.
How do you think about reparenting as ancestral work?
J
I love that. Connecting with the heart center instead of operating from the mind. It changes everything. Also I want to acknowledge that you did not begin this journey recently, it began when you came into the world and I am sure you have been asking these big questions for a very long time. 🙂 I think reparenting as ancestral work means that our healing happens in all directions. I believe that when we heal, we create healing for those who came before us and those who come after. I like to think of myself as a future ancestor. Whether or not I have biological children, one day I will be an ancestor. And I want to live a life that becomes an example of possibility for the people who come after me. So every cause I make for the sake of my growth, healing, expansion – is also a cause that I am making for the people who will be here long after I’m gone. I want to be a model for what is available. I think that people often don’t pursue something they’ve never seen. It makes sense. It’s like going into a restaurant and being handed a blank menu. What would you order? I want to fill out the pages, so to speak. I want people to be able to look at my life — to look at the ways I’ve transformed myself and my life for the better — and say, “I can do that.”
SA
Right. And I think about how, if we all moved with a knowing that each of us has a soul, that each of us are holding an infinite amount of consciousness, that could really shift so much of how we connect to ourselves and each other. I wonder if the work of reparenting can seem more tedious for those of us who may not be directly engaged or involved or even interested in our lineage? And maybe, what does it mean to be people who are displaced and reparenting as a way to build forward?
J
I definitely think the work of reparenting is more tedious for some people than others. I think that anything you do without willingness is tedious. That’s what’s so powerful about acceptance and surrender. Reparenting is going to be a wildly uncomfortable experience sometimes. It’s not going to feel like you’re taking your inner child to the playground. So I think doing that work is the most useful when we hold space for the discomfort of it. Reparenting is a way to build forward because so much of what we learned and experienced as children is running our lives. So many people get stuck in a belief or a narrative or behavior that they inherited at a very young age. Going back and engaging with the childhood part of your spirit can create an opening — Can create new possibilities and pathways. When we are able to release those mental/behavioral blocks that are holding us back, we’re able to move freely towards the life we really want.
SA
How did you come to this work, yourself?
J
As a kid, I was very encouraged to be curious. I was encouraged to ask questions and to engage my critical thinking mind. I have always been wildly curious about the human experience and – why people do what they do, what motivates our choices, and most importantly, how do we move through this life in a way that enables us to experience the maximum amount of ease, Joy, Wellness, pleasure. This is my life’s central question. How do we have the best Human Experience possible? So asking this question for myself set me up to be able to share what I found with other people. I believe that because I share wisdom that comes to me, it continues to come to me. I understand that I am a channel and a vessel for wisdom, so I make myself available for it, and then do my best to put it into language so that other people can experience the benefits of that wisdom in their lives.
I don’t know if I answered your question!
SA
I think you answered a question with a very important question – how can we have the best human experience possible! That’s so powerful. To be constantly asking yourself, in every decision that you make, am I showing up for myself. And I think, even the title of your podcast, Deliberate & Doing It Afraid, really resonated with me when I stumbled upon it because – initially, having the best human experience possible, for me at least, was choosing to be counterintuitive with my decisions & also, in some cases, isolating myself. And here I’m speaking specifically to the distance I need from my own parents in order to reparent. So I wonder if you have any thoughts about the inner conflict some of us experience on the need to separate ourselves, with boundaries, from our maternal parents. I’ve observed that the ‘no contact’ phase some of us need to go through can be so isolating yet integral for stagnant energy to move forward.
J
I’ll start by saying that everyone is their own expert. Everybody has a different journey and a different truth, so there’s no one-size-fits-all to any form of healing. I think it takes a lot of practice and skill to be able to hear your intuition. To be able to hear the voice of that wise teacher that lives inside each of us. So, I think it’s important that each of us know that nobody can tell us what’s best for us, except us. Now, to answer your question, it is inevitable that dynamics are going to change in our relationships whenever we grow and evolve. These changes can evoke a lot of grief. Even though they are for the best, any type of change is a loss. You lose the person you were before; you lose the ways you used to engage with people and move through the world. So there’s going to be grief. It’s a natural response to change. It can be really painful to experience the breakdown or evolution of a friendship or a relationship with our parents, even if we initiated the changes. Even if the changes are for our highest good! I think it’s important to remember that just because it feels painful to let something go, does not mean that we should hold on to it. We are allowed — in any moment — to choose the course of action that is best for us. And there are going to be a lot of uncomfortable feelings that arise from that. But, in my experience, the more I practice during the temporary discomfort of change, the easier it becomes for me to initiate it when I know it’s what’s required for my growth.
SA
I really needed to hear that today. Before we come to an end, can you talk me through a couple of your grounding practices that have been helpful for you over the past few weeks?
J
With pleasure. A new practice that has been super helpful for me recently is energy clearing. I recently completed a 6 weeks course called Energy is Currency, led by Maryam Hasnaa and Kenneth Jover, and I learned about the process of clearing energy from your aura, or energetic field. The process involves feeling into your own energy, noticing if it feels dense, or heavy or stuck or blocked, or if you are carrying energy that does not belong to you (like ancestral energy, collective energy, familial energy, the energy of the people you spend time with, etc) . It’s helpful for me as a big feelings feeler and I highly sensitive person 2 notice when I have picked up someone else’s energy. Now, I’m able to notice when my energy has shifted, and died myself through a process of releasing an authentic energy and calling my energy back to myself.
Beyond that, Meditation is one of my favorite grounding practices. The breath is such a powerful tool. I feel like breath is a bridge. It’s the path from one state or experience to another state or experience. A simple deep breath can truly transform your reality.
(she/they) is a lifestyle designer and empowerment coach passionate about helping people become conscious creators of their lives. Through coaching, courses, guided meditations, and their podcast, “Deliberate and Doing it Afraid,” Jamila supports leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs as they do the work to transform, stand in their power, and become fully who they are. Her practice is informed by traditions of meditation, sacred movement, breathwork, energy work, and plant medicine Jamila has spoken and written for TedX, The Loveland Foundation, Afropunk, Ethel’s Club, Greatist, The Body is Not An Apology, and Shine. Learn more at jamilareddy.me, or follow Jamila on Instagram @jamilareddy.