SA
Lakshmi, Thank you so much for making time and space this afternoon to speak with me. How are you feeling? Can you describe your energy today in 5 words?
L
That’s a tough question, but I’ll try. Lazy but productive, nostalgic, and devotional. That’s my day today.
SA
I hope that you’ve been able to feel rested despite being productive amidst the laziness. Where are you located right now?
L
I am in (Denver, Colorado) Cheyenne, Arapaho, Ute lands.
SA
Amazing. I first read about you and your work as I became aware of the Satya Yoga Co-Op, the US’s first yoga co-op by and for people of color that is run out of Denver. What an amazing space you have fostered and nourished. What was your journey into yoga like and how did you become involved with Satya?
L
So my journey with yoga started from childhood in the sense I think of yoga first and foremost as a spiritual connection and I think as a child it was through stories and songs and visiting temples on our visits to India and such that I would feel that connection. When I was a teenager, my dad used to wake me up early to do asana practice and meditation. We had gotten initiated into transcendental meditation. I hated it. Because he would wake me up at 4:30 am. And then when I went to college, my roommate my freshman year was a born-again Christian and complained to the RA about my altar…said that it made her uncomfortable. So I stopped connecting in that way at that age. Around the time of my Saturn return, I found myself in a really bad space. I was in an abusive marriage. Very disassociated. And just in a really dark place. I didn’t really see any future for myself. And then a friend of mine started taking me to a yoga class with her. That was in San Francisco. That class… just brought me back to what I was familiar with already from my childhood. It brought me back in touch with my body and I think just the reminder that it gave me brought me back to prayer and connecting to Spirit. And that really saved me. Everything changed after that. I felt as though a hand reached out to lift me out of this deep dark hole that I was in. I left that relationship and it took me a couple of years to get through all the legalities of that but then I decided to go to India to study yoga.
I was there for 3 years and then started teaching here in Denver when I came back. I came back to Denver because I grew up here and my family was here.
I actually spent about 10 years trying to teach yoga in the Denver yoga scene and never really felt like I fit in. Also I was experiencing microaggressions, was weary of the cultural appropriation, and the whiteness, and I saw a lot of overt systemic racism in the yoga world also and so finally after a sort of last straw type incident, I decided to leave that world and for a while I really didn’t know what to do, but then eventually I decided to try and address the lack of diversity in the yoga world by starting a teacher training for people of color. And that was when I felt like everything clicked for me. I finally found a space where I felt I could teach in a way that felt authentic and purposeful for me and I have been doing that ever since. I named my teacher training Satya after my maternal grandmother. I am named after my paternal grandmother. And also because Satya means truth and that was really what I was looking for in yoga. After 4 years, some of my students and I formed a co-op. I wanted to be able to help my students with their careers after they finished my training, but I always felt like after I taught them what I know and feel about yoga, I was throwing them into a pool of sharks sort of… into a world that wasn’t anything like what I was teaching them about. So we formed the co-op to be able to help each other and to try to create different kinds of opportunities for each other.
SA
What a moving journey you’ve had, Lakshmi. I want to hold this space to really honor + uplift you for the work you are doing alongside the community to really transform and aid liberation through holistic connection. You speak so poignantly about the commodification and appropriation that happens in the yoga industry that as people of color, particularly South Asian practitioners, feel often sidelined by. It’s rife and it can be so overwhelming and off putting and really stunt one’s healing journey. Lately at Studio Ānanda, we’ve been thinking through not only the western appropriation of yoga but also how within the structures of yoga itself there lies inherent casteism and discrimination against South Asian communities labeled undignified for the practice. When I began reading more into this double edged sword, I myself had to pause and really contemplate who I was learning from, their intentions and agendas, how caste was being reenacted within the practice itself. But the one thing that keeps drawing me back to my practice, and you mention this briefly above, is how monumental a yoga practice can be in reconnecting those of us who are disassociated. Can you speak a little about what a trauma focused yoga practice is? Why is a practice of yoga so effective when healing from PTSD and other trauma conditions?
L
Yes, I really feel what you said about casteism and needing to question and interrogate the tradition too when it is tied up with so many cultural oppressions like casteism and patriarchy. Brahminical patriarchy to be specific. And (sorry…I know I’m veering off topic but I will come back to the trauma-informed bit). It’s hard to separate what has been truly helpful and healing for me personally from all of these cultural oppressions that I absolutely don’t believe in or want to support. A big part of my healing was also to understand how did I end up in a an abusive relationship and how did I accept so many unacceptable behaviors and treatment…and so I had to interrogate my upbringing and the patriarchy that conditioned me to accept all that and that created the conditions for that kind of abuse. Even if yoga came from my culture and helped me to heal and gave me strength, it was still the patriarchy of my culture that stole my strength. So both of those things exist in our culture. There is tremendous oppression in South Asian cultures but I feel that spirituality…true Indigenous spirituality is always healing… it is what enables people to survive. So I have come to believe that what is truly life affirming about yoga is indigenous wisdom that has been co-opted and twisted by Brahmanical patriarchy. I believe Brahmanical patriarchy is a colonizing force within South Asian culture just like white supremacy is here. So back to trauma-informed yoga….I think that “trauma informed” is just a new terminology, but that indigenous healing practices are inherently trauma informed. It means meeting everyone where they are…being exceedingly gentle with ourselves, understanding that we have been through so much in this world that beats us down for all kinds of reasons…for being indigenous, for being women, for being queer, for being Black, for being poor, etc. It’s about acknowledging and understanding those oppressions that harm our bodies, minds, and spirits. I also think in terms of physical practice…it is about slowing down, connecting to our breath which is the bridge to Spirit, and slowing down our breath to be able to tap into the frequency of nature/God/Spirit…whatever you want to call it. But that frequency is the indigenous frequency…that is the slow/relaxed pace of life that indigenous peoples have always been in tune with except when they aren’t allowed to be in that frequency because of colonization. I feel like I’m blabbing! Hope I’m making sense. Just kind of going with the stream of consciousness.
SA
You’re making so much sense, and actually really helping me synthesize a lot of the things I have been thinking about but haven’t found the words for. Firstly, the naming of Brahminacal patriarchy is so crucial and I absolutely agree with you that where white supremacy is the pioneering oppression in the west, in South Asia – what we are dealing with is Brahmin fascism.
Secondly – yes!!! By way of living in the imperialist, white supremacist, patriarchal + colonized ‘modern’ world, we are all living with varying levels of trauma. Non white people experience the brunt of this trauma in the way that we carry it in our bodies intergenerationally. When I first began attending yoga sessions in spaces that were white dominated, as someone who lived with childhood sexual abuse, I didn’t realize that I was being triggered when doing some poses and positions. The fast pace and focus on flexibility was something that I really struggled with as someone who was so dissociated from my own body. I actually had to stop attending in studio sessions altogether and began finding practitioners of color online who prioritized what I understood as a trauma sensitive approach to yoga, which – yes, you’re so right, is just an inherently Indigenous approach to healing.
Do you think that the mainstream approach to yoga as one that overlooks the burdens each body carries is necessary for the replication of status quo to continue in the westernization of the practice? Why is it that a trauma sensitive approach to yoga is not as popular, is this just another symptom of the devaluing and disregard of Indigenous knowledge?
L
I think so, yes. I definitely feel like the overemphasis on yoga for fitness and getting a “yoga body” is colonized yoga. The emphasis in yogasana should be self-awareness and opening up and clearing energy channels. It’s not that physically demanding rigorous yoga is not authentic yoga. Certainly there is that type of traditional practice. I have heard some people say that they need movement and to work hard to be able to focus their minds and slow down their minds. And I think that is probably true for some people. I have actually had folks feel really uncomfortable sometimes with the really slow pace of the trauma sensitive classes that I teach. It brings up a restlessness that they are not able to sit with. And I don’t want to devalue anyone’s experience. I am not sure if rigorous asana classes are a distraction or whether they could possibly be a way of providing focus and concentration for some people. I think it could be both and it probably depends on how it is taught. I think physically demanding classes, if taught with awareness and focus could still be therapeutic for some people. But that said, that is the predominant style and I don’t think it suits everyone…maybe not even most people. Especially people who have been traumatized in ways where they don’t feel in control of their own bodies, as you shared, and which is the case for most women, femmes, queer, and BIPOC peoples. I think for a lot of us, we really need to feel like we can be in control and make choices about how long we want to stay in a pose. And exercise-oriented yoga doesn’t offer a lot of space for individual agency within the class. That is how formal Trauma-Sensitive Yoga is different from mainstream yoga classes. I think about Ayurveda…how there are different constitutions and what suits one may not suit another…but that too is part of our indigenous wisdom is that we do have a variety of practices for all the different needs. And that it is really about allowing people to tap into what their body needs. I think what is colonizing about the way Western yoga is usually taught is that it treats all human bodies as if they were the same or based on some idealized human body. Western medicine is like that too. That is generally the colonized approach. I think the indigenous approach respects the vast diversity of creation while maintaining a grounding in the underlying Unity. The colonized viewpoint is kind of the opposite. It doesn’t respect diversity and treats us all according to some “norm” and “others” us if we don’t fit that norm.
SA
The one size fits all model of healing truly needs to be eradicated. Thank you for sharing, Lakshmi. Before we end – what are a few things that are helping you feel grounded during this time? Whether it be a routine, a ritual, a meal or something you’re reading?
L
Just being at home more has actually been very grounding for me… I’m slowly getting to organizing my house, I’m cooking more, I’m getting more rest, and am able to take care of myself more… I am oiling my hair once a week, taking some classes that I’ve always wanted to take… am taking a kalaripayittu class from Australia through zoom and also am taking an astrology course. And all this because the pace of life has slowed down so much…before I was so busy and always running around but never had time for myself. It’s that slow more indigenous pace of life that creates so much spaciousness. I’m really trying to take advantage of it. So that all the other hard things… the sad things don’t get me down.
Lakshmi Nair is a proud member-owner and co-founder of Satya Yoga Co-op, the first BIPOC owned and operated yoga co-op in the country. She is a yoga educator of South Asian descent, engaged in reclaiming the resilience and resistance of her ancestral tradition of yoga and creating spaces for herself and others to authentically engage with the practices of yoga for self and collective healing and liberation.